Letting go

Are you like me and struggle to say the metaphorical goodbye when someone exits your life?

Whether it’s a lover, friend, or someone who somehow fits in between, I often have intense connections with people, and find myself deeply saddened when for whatever reason we fall out of contact.

That’s not to say that this happens with everyone I meet. Certainly some people I’m glad to never speak to again. And yet others, have left a small hole where they were, and it never seems to go away.

I saw a post online recently that said I should find peace in letting them be free, and enjoy the silence that now takes up that space. And for the most part, I agree. The rational side of my brain knows that I don’t want, or need someone in my life who doesn’t want to be there.  Yet there’s the other part of me, the part that likes to think of all the world’s problems when I’m idle, that wonders about the “what ifs”. What if I did something different, or what if I could’ve fixed the problem. Oh and of course my ridiculous saviour syndrome kicks in with “I hope they are ok (without me)” – lol of course they are.

I battle so consistently with the “what ifs”. My mind loves to meander through every conceivable circumstance – no matter how ridiculous it has concocted it! Barely a day goes by where I don’t remind myself that thinking what if is the biggest waste of my time and energy! One day I will get better at stopping my brain from going there to begin with, but I confess today is not that day.

So how do I combat these feelings? Well, there’s no real way, except to remind myself that not everyone is in your life forever, and that’s ok. That I can’t fix everything, and that’s ok too. Maybe a small part of me believes that if I radiate enough good energy out into the universe, maybe in time they will come back?

Ultimately, I accept and respect that there is a whole lot of life that is well beyond my control, and all I can do is take control of my own life. I’m extremely lucky to have my wonderful friends, husband and family, and I’m extremely lucky to have shared parts of my journey with others who have moved on to a different path (well, most of them!). Practicing gratitude isn’t something that always comes easily to me, but it does come when I tell it to.